Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
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