Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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