I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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