Just mADE A PArabola og urine
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
it was like eating out sand paper
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
