do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize