my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
