wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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