How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
