Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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