Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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