Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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