Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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