he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he was CRYING into my vagina
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize