I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
