They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
