Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
