If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
