If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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