when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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