just come out here and I will go home with you...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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