I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
