Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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