New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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