went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
