Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
