It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize