i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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