...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
