i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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