I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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