My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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