Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
