I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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