The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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