My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
It's just like the Real World with babies
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize