did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
