i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
