I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I am one with the molecules
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
