I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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