Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
