i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
