I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
