I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
