He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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