We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize