Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
