It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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