And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize