I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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