Ambien. No doubt about it.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
