Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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