this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
