you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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