we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
