Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
