Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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