Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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