I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
