anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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