i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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