I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize