that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
