You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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