Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
