Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
