I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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