Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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