Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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