I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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