Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
