I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
