He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
