I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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