winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
