he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
