Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he fucked my hip out of place.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
