so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize