like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
you never un-have a 4some
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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