sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
People with herpes should wear stickers.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize