Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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