There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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