Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
