I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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