She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize