why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
