I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
