first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
