I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
