so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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