I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
