i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
