I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm both gender and math confused
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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