yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Fuck appropriateness.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
