I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
