Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
