Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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