yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
