: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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