I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
